i’m afraid of the dark and of everything in it i’m searching for stars but i don’t know how to spin it i still get scared about all the stuff in my head and i remember the words that the sky used to teach me ‘bout how i have the universe contained inside one skinned knee sometimes i feel the galaxy inside of my veins and i don’t wanna die just give me a moment to recall how to try i wanna learn how to control the forces inside me to rewrite my body into one old oak tree but i don’t wanna die i still try to make mountains out of my soul and learn how to make moss grow on a rock on the roll a lot of times i get lost inside of my thoughts i wish you could just hear me say that i miss you ‘bout how i can see your face in the morning dew i hope that it’s beautiful, wherever you are and i don’t wanna die just come back here and tell me what it feels like to fly tell me all about the solar system contained within my chest the shaking of my hands that makes them the best please though, i don’t wanna die i don’t wanna die i don’t wanna die

hey i hope you’re doing well and you found happiness that you never found in me and i just think that maybe we should grab some coffee sometime and jam, i guess let’s start a band now cut back two years see a kid that looks like me with all her awkward charm see her smile and how she loves you when you grab her hand she’s still a romantic please grab her hand and i’m glad to see that you’re doing better now you’re moving out at the end of the summer i’ll miss your voice and the friendship we had before i messed it up, just as i do most things with you i used to write you poetry, i could give a book on all the angsty prose i penned because you wouldn't ever look at the way i thought i loved you, the way you held my hand and to sleeping on floor, our bodies curled against the stands and i miss the way you walked and you told me all your schemes and i miss being young and i miss being free and i wrote this song for simple reasons, sort of to recall how it felt when we were close and stuff but most of all to tell you that i’m glad to see that you’re doing better now you’re moving out at the end of the summer and i’ll miss your hugs and sitting in your car before class even though i was the one that couldn't keep a straight face around you

tell my mom that i'm alright tell my dad i've still got a lot of fight and tell everyone that they have gotta move on tell the family and their kids that no one really ever forbids laughing even after someone is gone and i'm gone folding up into chaos such lovely pandemonium and i am losing myself and i'm drawing parallels between entropy and i hoping all of my atoms will eventually decline and the nervousness will be nothing anymore i wanna be nothing anymore tell me how it all went wrong tell me now that i was too headstrong and tell me about all the things i could've preserved speak it to the great blue beyond i hope you all know that i am too fond of getting everything that i have never deserved and i'm gone folding up into chaos such lovely pandemonium and i am losing myself and i'm drawing parallels between entropy and i hoping all of my atoms will eventually decline and the nervousness will be nothing anymore i wanna be nothing anymore and i’m gone folding up into chaos such lovely pandemonium and i am losing myself and i'm drawing parallels between entropy and i hoping all of my atoms will eventually decline and the nervousness will be nothing anymore i wanna be nothing anymore tell my mom that i’m alright tell my dad i’ve still got a lot of fight and tell everyone that they have gotta move on

honey, well i promise i would never do anything to you oh, oh, i promise i would do anything you asked me to oh, this is good i can feel the changing in my bones oh, you are good i was hoping you would take me home you, a ghost, something spectral in disguise and i am not alright with all my lies but i will work for every single time i get to pull you closer to my side closer to my side darling, so i’m honest i think about you most every time of day oh, oh, i’m honest you really make me feel some kind of way oh, this is real this is the first time that i have felt so alright oh, we are real please just look at me, your eyes alight you, a ghost, something spectral in disguise and i am not alright with all my lies but i will work for every single time i get to pull you closer to my side and you, a ghost, something spectral in disguise and i am not alright with all my lies so i will watch through every single line to keep you always closer in my mind closer in my mind

i watch you i’d be smarter in this instant to just get a clue and realize where i went wrong even though now all my apologies are just more stupid songs i’m sorry i never told you why i can’t get out of my head most days or every sleepless night and still what i should not say is if i had to do it all again i’d stay with you through every day meanwhile i can’t help but long for you, way too far away, so here’s hoping that i am strong i love the way you think the way your mind works so brilliantly makes me feel you’re my missing link and i hope that you know that i’m telling you the truth when i say i adore you so and in watching you you’ve made me hope one day to be better and let me know i’ll be loved too

i need to find something new and get into something real weird and super specific like maybe competitive basket weaving or knowing each movie that came out in ninety four three words, keep playing in my head could you be the reason i'm so neurotic or maybe that's still a product of wanting to be dead i gotta figure out how to spend my time other than just playing fallout 4 and panicking until i fall asleep, my cat hitting on my door please help me i have 25 hours in a little less than three days i'm really stressed something in my brain won’t let me rest i've been figuring out exactly how long i'll be on this planet and if my calculations are correct i should look into being a dentist because their suicide rates are really high and this joke isn't funny and i'm sorry about my personality but i'm not joking oh no so maybe i'll get really good at magic the gathering or maybe i'll be super great and gm'ing random dnd games or maybe i could finally do something important but no; i probably won't i know then maybe i'll just play every single doom game in my bed and i guess i'll call you up when i am feeling a bit better about my head or instead of that i'll figure out how to build a vr rig and forget about my responsibilities for one or two or even three days is all it takes to take me from calm and collected to a restless mess who cries whenever they feel disrespected and it's stupid and quite useless to feel like this but i can't really help it; i promise, i've tried falling back into a deep depression doesn't sound that cool so here's me trying to figure out what normal, functioning people do in their spare time and i promise that i'm fine, really this time, i promise it's the truth this time, i promise it's the truth i'm just at a loss for words for the first time in my life and for once i wish that something would push me toward what's right but either way, i'm still confused and i'm doing my best to distract from that by being amused; my eyes lately are looking a little bit bruised filling the empty parts of me with wholly hollow pleasantries and everything is too much right now in the present, these bones of mine will break under just enough weight and i'm stuck here hoping that they go soon that they all go soon when i fall asleep at night it's you that i'm thinking of and i wonder if you remember exactly how it felt waking up with your head on my chest and your arms wrapped tight around me and i'm trying my best to feel better but remembering doesn't help i'm sorry i really never mean to hurt you but a lot of times it seems i tend to do just that and i don't know how to fix it so i end up apologetic and quite pathetic and not real copacetic, but hey, if something can be said about me it'll never be on my rhymes and falling back into a deep depression doesn't sound that cool so here's me trying to figure out what normal, functioning people do in their spare time and i promise that i'm fine, really this time, i promise it's the truth this time, i promise it's the truth i promise it's the truth

you’re of the stars you are carbon and atoms and everything wonderful each single part of you is exactly where it needs to be this is a good job to the planets, the stars, and most of all to outer space spacing out, distracted by the constellations in your bed see the walkway filled with flowers stop and sit a little while you’re not a bystander in the world anymore you are good you are good you are good you are good your life comes from the sky you’re alive you’re alive you’re alive you’re alive never stop asking why don’t stop thinking about the bugs and the birds and all that’s small everywhere don’t find your worth in the corporations they’re poking holes in the way we visualize just look outside for some inspiration it’s all ok here you’re gonna be alright